Here. I decided to do something with my LJ and repost a blog from my myspace.

Sunday night television is so horrible that it's the best late night television programming all week.

Tonight I opted to take a break from my regularly scheduled guitar practice to sit in front of the boob tube for a while. I'm not one to take life by the horns and watch TV for hours on end. But tonight I felt obligated to just sit and watch whatever was on.

I love infomercials. Just because they're so full of various loop holes if you listen close enough. A few years ago I was watching a magic car wax infomercial that claimed that the wax would protect your car through the most harsh and extreme enviroments. Eventually they cut to a police officer who stated, "This is the best car wax in the world. It keeps our police cars protected that are out in the sun 24 hours a day". My first reaction to this statement was, "How on earth are your police cars out in the sun 24 hours a day"? My second reaction was, "Is it really necessary to wax police car"? I can't imagine a scenario where I get pulled over, and to avoid getting a ticket, I mention to the cop how beautiful his squad car looks. Then he pridefully boasts that his station bought a new magic car wax that keeps their squad cars shining like new. If this were the case, then you'd have to question the cop's credibility if they were buying the idea of a magic car wax in the first place.

My other favorite late night infomercials are the obscure money making conventions. The one in particular tonight was called 4x and from what I dissected, 4x had nothing to do with anything what-so-ever. The infomercial offered you to come join in on a free 2 hour work shop in a local hotel convention center. The camera made many extravagant passes and pans across filled rooms with hopeful work shoppers looking to make a quick buck. Most of the people looked in their mid 40's to early 60's which, I'm guessing, is about the age most early stoners and acid droppers are now. These people were way too into whatever the main guy was preaching. Which made the commercial that much more obscure. They kept interviewing people like Angelica Huddleston who apparently tripled their money in 3 weeks. Well... no shit. If you work a normal job, and start at week one and end at week three you will have tripled your money. But Ms. Huddleston didn't triple her money the conventional hard working way. She attended this workshop and did something. Something that you won't know until you waste two hours of your life sitting in a hotel convention room. Just remember to 4x. That's all you need to know to make a profit.

The people at these conventions were almost too sad to look at. Most of them not good looking by any means. One character interviewed had a missing front tooth and a receeding curly hairline. But he was happy because 4x tripled his money. Somehow. Eventually the infomercial mentioned something about trading and nothing more. So the basis of making money was to trade in some sort of market. I would imagine if this were the 18th century when fur trading was the equivalent of stock trading... the pilgrims also had their own two hour workshops held at the local town tavern. Over a few pints of warm beer, the leader would begin his discussion to a hundred locals about how 4x can work for them if they applied themselves. And if they signed up for the program right there, they'd get a free beaver skin.

Although I liked what people had to say about what they'd do if they were to suddenly triple their income in three weeks. One man said he wanted to move the Pacific Islands and "do a whole lot of nothing". I don't think this guy has actually sat around for an extended period of time and done nothing. Doing nothing is the worst feeling in the world. I would imagine that he'd eventually go nuts and take up a hobby like soap making or perhaps widdling. The world needs more professional widdlers.

My third favorite late night television programming is tv televangelists. The funny thing about televangelists is that they're the most redundant twits on television. They're also the worst actors but they're not too shabby at improvisation. They'll start their elongated tangent about Christ and how you should worship Him and how you should go about doing it. Then somewhere in the middle they'll tell you how to absorb Christ into your life and how you should worship Him. Then they'll end the mass by telling you how Christ died for our sins and how you should worship him. It gets old really fast. And each time they tell you how to worship his holyness, they get more intense as if they're running out of things to talk about so in order to keep the viewers attention they start yelling louder and louder. Like how if a toddler doesn't get enough attention he either gets louder and louder or throws a spoon full of pudding at your head.

Later on I switched to another channel. I had gotten tired of watching infomercials and opted to watch a movie. The first one that caught my attention had a restored black shiney mustang racing through some streets. Then the camera cut to an ambulence racing down the road. Again, the camera cuts to the black mustang racing towards an intersection. Suddenly a guy in the mustang yells, "WATCH OUT". I'm thinking that was an Oscar worthy performance for that guy. Suddenly the mustang t-bones a red truck and the ambulences squeals to a halt. The men in the mustang jump out and the driver of the mustang falls to ground, proclaming, "I''m hurt! I'm hurt"! Next the passenger side guy runs around the car and picks him up. Now the next shot really confused me because the camera cut to a close up to a sidewalk with a sewer drain for a half a second then back to the passanger guy picking up the injured driver. Unless the sewer drain had some foreshadowing... it wasn't needed. Next the guy who yelled "WATCH OUT" earlier walked up to the stopped ambulence and the passanger ambulence guy gets out turns around and gets shot. Who the fuck shoots an ambulence driver for no reason? That seems so very mean. Then the shooter hops in the ambulence and commands the ambulence driver to "Do as we say or die". Marcy, I'm sure you appreciate such amazing writing. Now the other two guys hobble into the back of the ambulence.

In the back of the ambulence the injured man lays down on the stretcher while the other man starts opening up gauze pads and places them on the other guy's arm. Which again left me confused because the injured man wasn't bleeding at the arm. He wasn't shot, stabbed, pricked or anything on his arm. Yet, the man continued to apply gauze pads as if to say, "Hey man. I love you and I'm here to protect you and your non bleeding arm". Then the camera cuts to a box labeled "DONATED ORGAN". Next scene is a black girl in bed asking where her heart is.

Enter: Chuck Norris.

Walker Texas Ranger. I changed the channel as soon as I saw that douche bag. All that bad acting, random sewer drain shots and wasted gauze pads was explained when Chuck Norris came on.

Yeah, for all you pussy ass sallys in Minnesota bitching about your humid 90 degree whatever bullshit. I have to deal with this:



This is about everyday weather till about early October for me. Goooooo San Fernando Valley like shyeeeaaaahh!

I like the heat. I just hate it when it just sits in my apartment and the a/c does little to nothing to get rid of it.

On another and completly irrevelevant note, I've decided live journal is fantastically lame and that I've been using myspace to blog. Because... well... people comment on it.
Ok i'm going to bed. this could be my last post unless something so important comes up i must post. screw you lj.

Now I'm being forced to update because I've been tagged to a list of 5 songs that I enjoy listening to right. So here we go:

1) Gorillaz - Alone
2) Dredg - Catch Without Arms
3) Dean Martin - Gentle On My Mind
4) My Morning Jacket - One Big Holiday
5) Blur - To The End

Now I'ma tag these people: catachana, sudden, aldie113. That's all I feel like doing.

The new Dredg cd is fantastic and every song on it is good. I think it's a little better thier last one because there's a few ok'ish songs on the album.

I went home to Wisconsin for a week. It was enjoyable and I actually got to sleep with no mid morning interruptions. I haven't cut my hair since Feb. so my mom opted to call me "Jungle Boy". It's not that long, if anything I'm starting to aquire a Jared Leto'esque mullet.

At home I managed to eat Leann Chinn's four times. The only downside to living in LA is that there are no good chinese food restaurants. There's a ton of good Thai places like Toi but nothing like Leann Chinn's. LA has Panda Express but I prefer not to have my chinese food have the word "Express" within the name of the restaurant. I hate that place. So I ate my share of lemon chicken with fried rice and an order of wontons. I also ate at Cossettas which is another favorite place of mine.

I went to Williams in uptown on a friday night and ended up eating peanuts in the basement. Williams is a great place to go to if you go with a group of friends or have a significant other. But being single, that's the worst place to go to. Mostly for the fact that when you have guys and girls sitting at tables, it's hard to strike up a conversation with a girl when 4 other guys are jonesing to score.

I started missing LA when I started eating really disgusting pizza at this place next to Figlios. Not sure what it was called but they had chicken and other things there too. But being home for a week was good and refreshing. I bought Annie Hall and Goodfellas on dvd and 3 new books. I still need to finish Mystic River. I haven't seen the movie but so far the book is awesome.

Alright, time to swim. That's an update on my life. Hoo-Rah. Woo-Rah. Boo-rah-rah.

It's been a solid three days since I've been here in Minnesota/Wisconsin. Things are good. About as good as good can get being here. Probably the strangest thing I've seen is my preggo sister. That's just weird. She had a guy cum in her vagina. Now she's poppin' out a baby. Perhaps this baby will boom.

That and there's an obscene amount of fat people here. Not that I'm vain/conceited by any means, it's just something you notice. Kinda like when you hang out at a party that involves being in a garage and there's a keg there; you just notice that there's a lot more stupidity floating about.

I went to the Mall of America today. It was a nastolgic trip through memory lane.But more importantly, I'm honestly baffled by the majority of Minnesota women and their dating schemes. There were a lot of impressively good looking women at the mall who were holding hands with a guy who was inches taller than her and not very ridiculously good looking. There's no way they could do blue steel. The guys must either be loaded or have so much personality that if there personality were stuffed into a burrito, the burrito would explode. Exploding Personality Burrito. I made myself feel better about it all by assuming that the chicks were just stupid and had low-self esteem. Fucking stupid people. Everywhere.

Then later on in the evening I went into Uptown in Minneapolis with my friend Kimball. We went to a bar called Williams where you can go downstairs and grab a basket full of peanuts. I was excited about the peanut factor. Peanuts help my game. I feel more confident when I walk up to a sexy lady with a fistful of peanuts and peanut breath. Peanut Suave they call me. Anyways, the bar was ok. I saw I guy I went to college with. I didn't say hi because he was sitting at a table full of guys. Or dudes. I was wearing a pink shirt. The last thing I wanted to do is join a peanut circle jerk in the middle of a bar.

I did want to abruptly punch a guy in the face for saying "HEEYY WHAT UP BRROOOO"! Such class and charisma.

The bad things I didn't like about this place was

1) The place had tables. It's hard to pick up cute girls when they're sitting down with a bunch of guys already looking to score.

2) I went downstairs to hear fucking Nirvana playing. Yeah let's party and fucking shoot ourselves. Teen Spirit. Hip hip boom. Then it was System of a Down? NO. Party foul. Big party foul.

But that's the vibe of that place, which I wasn't in the mood for. Then we left and ate mediocre pizza and made fun of people who were victims of bad fashion. Which was everyone.

Overall though I can't complain. Just the accents are horrible. Oh yeah suuurre. Donchyaknow.

I just had a weird and slightly disturbing thought. Wouldn't it be weird if when a guy ejaculates, he ejaculates green/red/pink/purple/or whatever color cum comes out? And it'd vary from guy to guy. So let's say you're a guy and have orange cum and you meet a girl who is repulsed by orange cum. That would suck. You could try to lie about it but she'll figure it out sometime. Or how about when a girl gets wet, she wets fucia or forest temper tantrum green? I would imagine if this were true, that an orgy would probably resemble that food fight scene from the movie "Hook".

Yup I'm sober. And I'm going to touch myself.

If anyone needs an idea to seek really good revenge upon someone do this:

While the victim is passed out, take a crap load of that Veet stuff and rub throughly through their hair.

They will not be happy when they wake up.

I'm so mean.

For added meaness, apply to eyebrows.

create your own visited states map

I caved in and made one. Again. Apparently I'm missing 3 chunks of the states as you can see. I would say my 3 favorite places to visit are:

1) Glacier National Park in Montana
2) Colorado. At least driving through the mountains on I-70.
3) Arches National Park in Moab, Utah

I'd put Southern California on there but... I live there. I like the west more so than I do the east. Everything seems bigger out here and is just amazingly beautiful. Yellowstone and Craterlake are a two of my other favorites. If this had Canada, Banff and Jasper would take the top 2 spots.

One:

Pamela Anderson shouldn't be allowed to open her mouth again.

Two:

Who did Pamela Anderson fuck to get where she is today?

Three:

Pamela Anderson is an idiot.

Four:

Pamela Anderson should stop doing interviews.

Five:

Pamela Anderson is an idiot.

Six:

Conan is king of late night.

Ok so myspace is down and I'm going to rant. Because I can. And I haven't done so in a while.

I bought the new Foo Fighters cd and Coldplay. Foo Fighters is rockishly awesome. Although many songs ... speaking of Foo Fighters they're playing on Leno now. And yeah, they're fucking awesome live. Anyways, although many songs sound vaguely the same, you get 20 songs for 10 bucks. Can't complain. New Coldplay is good. It's Coldplay. My biggest gripe with them is that they need to loose their edge. And what I mean by edge is their guitarist sounding like THE EDGE from U2. If Coldplay puts out another cd like this one, I'll be not a fan anymore. Other than that it's a deacent cd.

I saw Batman Begins last night. Solid summer flick. It was way longer than I expected which was fine because nothing was drawn out. If anything it could have been longer so some scenes could have been more detailed. Acting was so/so, but it's an action flick, so I couldn't judge too harshly on that aspect. The movie did keep my attention till the end and it was really really loud. At least at my theater. The ending was the best part. God I'm writing like a 4th grader.

What the fuck else. I'm excited for Rachel's birthday on the 25th. Should be smashing.

I'm coming home June 28th - July 5th so make plans if you want to hang out. If not, carry on.

Leann Chins is going to be awesome to eat again.

There was an earthquake today. That was interesting. One minute I'm playing Age of Empires II and the next thing I'm shaking around. Trippy is the first word that comes to mind.

I wish I had a extremely high powered paint ball gun. That way when a cat or the cats start meowing like cat wolves, I can peg them in the face. Or in the butt. Which ever one brings more comedy and bad karma to me. I think the face would. But the joy of pegging a cat in the ass would be splendid. And they won't die. Just be in pain and stop meowing like idiots.

I haven't had sex in a very long time. This is discouraging.

Just thought I'd throw that curve ball out there for you.

People with chronic bad breath should get their problem fixed. It's disgusting really.

Senior Citizens should be forced to take a driving test every 5 years.

I should have a suit like Batman so I can go huge on skis.

Statutory rape laws are pointless.

So is television.

Just like thie post.

You know... all these people taking that IQ test makes me think of two things:

Either I'm about as smart as a bag of rocks.

or

My friends are brilliant.

That's why I'm boycotting it. I'm not as smart as I thought I was. It makes me quite upset.

I'm going to go get learned.

Hi.

I still exist. Not that any of you really care.

Most of my posting now is on my myspace blog.

Because let's face it, LJ is not nearly as cool as myspace.

And friendster is just stupid.

I'm now in the process of writing another essay book. This time I'm going to involve more detailed stories or my life. It's going to be a bit lengthier. I already have 8 pages written but not done. I'm going to shoot for something upward to 40 pages on word. That's a minimum. If I can get more that would be great. I enjoy writing essay style material. I've thought about attempting to write out an actual novel but character development is not my forte.

My hair is no longer considered short. It's now border line long and super shaggy. I can't even spike it anymore. People say they like it but who knows what the truth is about that. All I know is that I took a bit off the top and cut the sides, I'd totally be rocking a mullet. I have no plans on cutting it until I need to. Which I'm guessing will be sometime in July.

I hate girls and women. This is not a new fad. Being Mr. Nice is not working in my favor so instead I'm going to be Count Asshole. It's that whole psychological thing of girls not having what they want, and I'm not saying I'm highly wanted because my ego is about as big as a hot wheels car but, I'm going to play the asshole card more. Just because you bitches deserve it. Mr. Nice will come out again when I actually find a suitable girlfriend. Which will either be Kate Bosworth, Mandy Moore or Cuba Gooding Jr. Wait shit I mean some retardedly hot chick with a name.

I need a new guitar. Oh oh oh and I'll be home June 28 - July 5. So if you want to see me let me know. I'll be expecting no one wanting to see me. Which is fine because I'll probably be visiting my best friend who's currently on house arrest. And eating massive amounts of delicious Leann Chinns. I love that place.

Guess who's got another computer problem... yup that's right. Mr. Emachine aka: Me.

So if anyone can tell me if it sounds like a video card issue or hard drive issue that'd be happy.

Basically my computer makes my screen blink on and off. Even while I type. Pretty much when ever I do any kind of task it makes the screen black out. I hope it's a video card problem... but it's probably not. It's super annoying having this issue. Think of having some eye tick where you blink for more than 5 seconds everytime you do something like breath or talk. You can still do things, but you can't see. Well that's my computer. I can still do various tasks like type while it's blacked out. I just can't see what I'm doing. Sometimes it goes into 800x400 mode and I have to reboot. I love that. So that leads me to believe it's a graphics problem. But what also has been happening on more rare occasions is my itunes count going wacky. I'll go from having 3,040 tunes to like 300. Sometimes even 40. I reboot and it's fine. So that leads me to believe it's a hard drive issue. I'm running off my own video card but I want to try running it off the on board one, but can't get that up.

I'd go to CompUsa or Best Buy but those jerks don't know anything. The minute I mention CMOS or something semi-technical they stop caring. Jerks.

As much as I hate Macs for egotistical reasons, that's what my next computer is going to be. All I use computers for now is internet, itunes and the occasional game. But this will be when I have money. And when I have money I'll eventually set up some crude form of a recording "studio". A studio within a studio. Sweet. But first, I need a new guitar. FUCK MONEY.

Ok. There have been a few fucking brilliant commercials on the boob tube lately that literally put me in tears. I feel compelled to tell you which ones they are:

1) The Geico commercial with Tony Little. Him on his Gazelle at the end with him going "WEE" was fucking awesome.

2) The new Norelco commercial with the QUINTIPPIO blade. I was crying from this one. The blade thing looked like a spatula. Brilliant.

1) The Burger King guy having a face off with Darth Vader for 30 seconds. I do not need to say anything else about this. Funny.

Yeah, that shick one though got me.

I love my new icon.

Because, like Kevin Spacey, I rule.

Yeah...

new gorillaz is fucking amazing. There's only one song that I don't care that much for and track 7 can be shortened by like 30 seconds because one part is super repetitious. Other than that. I love that fucking cd. Dennis Hopper is fucking awesome.

I was listening to new Audioslave and meh. But new Weezer sounds pretty badass. I need to re-purchase Interpol's Antics.

Here's a list of things I want: